Not Crazy. Not Lazy.
Biofeedback showed normal brain activity through EEG. Coached breathing techniques to control HRV. Colonoscopy. Gastroscopy. Prostate check. All very demoralising.
Part of the reason I wanted to stop drinking was the constant headaches. Yet they persisted. And still do. Often worse than before. Not to mention the brain fog — so bad I am unable to string a thought together.
I began to realise I had lived like this for years. For as long as I can remember.
The obvious explanation — and I now believe the easy one, the route of least resistance — was stored childhood trauma. The first suggestion of every doctor, every specialist. Stored childhood trauma.
I’d regurgitated my childhood memories so many times. Nothing. In fact, quite the contrary — I found myself grateful for the childhood I had experienced. My parents were not perfect. Despite their respective backgrounds, they did their best with what they had. And they did a pretty decent job.
Hell, I miss them.
Exasperated, out of the blue my doctor suggested CFS. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Brought on by tick bite or glandular fever. Epstein-Barr virus.
We tested for it. I was certain that was it. I suffered tick bite as a kid. Struggled with swollen glands. It had to be that.
The diagnosis in itself was healing.
Not treatable. Nothing I can do but learn to live with it.
Just knowing what it was. Giving it a name. Being able to research it, read about other people’s experiences. Knowing I’m not crazy. Not lazy. That it’s a real thing. That I’m not alone. That I only have stage 1 of 4 potential stages.
That was enough.
My search for help continued — through a few specialists, and not before stumbling upon Soulgenics, Quantum Energy Medicine, which appeared to make a difference for a while.
Until it didn’t.